Guest Blog - Yuki and Olivia R Burton take over!

Since on Friday I got distracted by NXT Takeover (OMG I love American Alpha so hard. SO HARD), I didn't get to post this. And yesterday I went to finalise my holiday to Iceland with Mum, so I didn't post it then either. But today I have neither American Alpha or Iceland to distract me, so here we go!

Since Yuki is always keen to help around the house, I asked her to sit down with my friend and fellow cat-lover, Olivia R Burton, and ask her some questions about the re-release of her funny, smart, sugar-rich urban fantasy,  MIXED FEELINGS. Yuki did her best to stay on topic and I think she did very well for a first attempt. So, without further ado, let's see what they had to talk about!

Y: Hello, Miss Olivia! I am Miss Yuki, and I am a Beautiful Girl and also a cheeky missus sometimes. Like me, your book cover is very beautiful. Would you tell me a bit about the inside and is it also a cheeky missus?

ORB: I'd say Gwen can be pretty cheeky, even though she's usually too busy being cowardly and hungry to be cheeky. She does have some fun adventures, which I hear you have your share of as well. I'll bet if Gwen got stuck on the roof of the shed, she'd cry more than you do, though.

Y: It is true that I do cry a lot when I get stuck on the shed roof and up trees and on the roof of the house, but it's not because I'm upset. I just want everyone to know where I am at all times in case they want to bring me something.

ORB: In Mixed Feelings, Gwen's first book, she doesn't get stuck on the shed, but she does have to help some fairy monsters find some missing kids, which she needs help with just like you sometimes need help coming down off the roof! Luckily, like you have your people, she has her best friend Chloe there to hold her hand and make sure she gets through the ordeal safely.

Y: Yes, it is good to have helpful people. My people are very patient with me when I forget how to get off the shed. I understand that there is a werewolf in your book, which is like a big dog. I myself do not like dogs, so can you explain why you put one in there?

ORB: I bet you wouldn't mind this werewolf. Mel doesn't turn into a wolf too often, and spends most of his time just trying to get his hands on kitties. Generally they're a different type of kitty than you are, but I'm sure he'd be more than happy to scratch behind your ears if you asked. He's always happy to please a lady.

Y: And I am always happy to be pleased! You have a lot of cats. Which one is in charge?

ORB: It used to be Snapshot in charge, but that's been a source of contention in the house since my roommate moved in. He has a lady cat named Lucca who likes to think of herself as being the boss, as well. They steer clear of each other, both pretending they are the boss, and have decided it's not worth having words over anymore.

Y: As an only cat, I am in charge by default but I would be in charge anyway because I am the most precious and beautiful cat ever, the man says. The lady in your book, Gwen, can tell people's feelings with her mind, which I think would be good for cats, because sometimes I have to meow twice to make people do things for me, and if they just knew what I wanted with magic, that would save time. Do you think Gwen's magic would be good in real life?

ORB: Hmmm. That's a good question, Yuki. I'd say that, if all people could actually feel the emotions of people and animals around, the world would have to be a much different place. It could make us all more compassionate, helping us to see that people we say mean things to have feelings too, and aren't just standing in front of us willing to take verbal abuse. On the other hand, it could also have become such a common occurrence throughout history that people would go the opposite way and be jaded about feeling the sadness of those around them. Maybe we would be so used to feeling those around us being sad or angry or happy that we wouldn't really notice anymore.

Y: My people moved the snake tanks so I can't sit and watch them and tap on the glass any more and that made me sad, but nobody is helping me.

ORB: I bet the snakes miss seeing your cute little face!

Naomi's note: She's not sad at all, don't worry.

Y: You have another book about Gwen and cake out, too. What else happens in that besides cake, and are there going to be more after that one?

ORB: If it were up to Gwen, nothing would happen other than cake. A glutton sitting around eating cupcakes and candy wouldn't make for good reading, though, so Gwen's going to have many more interesting adventures. In Business With Pleasure, Gwen's second book, she's got to help find a murderer, help stop a stalker, and make nice with her ex-husband. She does get to eat ice cream toward the end, though! In the next book there will be more cupcakes, more werewolves (sorry, Yuki!), and a proposal.

Y: Gwen is very adventurous! Where can people keep track of your cake books?

ORB: They can go to my website, OliviaRBurton.com, or they can follow me on Twitter. I also have a page on Facebook that can easily be liked, and an Instagram where I often post pictures of all my cats.

Y: Thank you, Miss Olivia, for sharing all your book and cat and cake news with us! Now I am off to steal socks from the neighbours, because I worry that my people maybe don't have enough. Good day!

Naomi's note: I don't know if she did steal these socks or not, but they definitely aren't ours and she does look really pleased with herself so...

The Most Monday-ish Monday that Ever Mondayed

We had a plan for today. Kyle was due to go into hospital for back surgery this morning. I'd booked the day off work to accompany him for moral support and possibly to film him talking gibberish when he came round from the general anesthetic, and to make sure he got home in one piece.

And then the surgery was cancelled, because the surgeon has an eye infection. And I guess, yes, you don't want a visually-impaired surgeon messing around with your spine. So that happened. And I figured I may as well go to work and take back my day of annual leave, and use it later in the month when the surgery actually happens.

And then, whilst casually passing the snake tanks, I saw Remic. This is not unusual. What was unusual was the huge distended lump in the middle of my very slim and elegant idiot. I am 95% positive that was not there last time I looked. Panic ensued.

We were pretty sure it wasn't a gut issue, because he hadn't been fed for a while (in fact, today was supposed to be feeding day). Sometimes when a snake is constipated, you can deal with it yourself by bathing him in warm water, changing the temperature of his environment, or even just handling him yourself. But, like I say, given his feeding schedule, we thought this probably wasn't food-related. Luckily there is a vet in Cambridge that specialises in exotic pets, so I gave them a call, and after a few misunderstandings (I was very nearly registered as Naomi Quark, and Remic as Bulwick), we got an appointment.

An appointment hours and hours away, since I discovered the Grotesque Bulge around 11.30, and the appointment was at 5.15. That's a really long time to have to just hang around and worry about your pet. We were slightly mollified by the fact that Remic didn't seem to notice he had a Grotesque Bulge, but then Remic once bit himself in the tail, so...you know. He's not smart.

He would struggle to qualify as simple

Anyway, since we had no choice but to wait, we waited. I'd have to take him by myself, as Kyle was working from home, and I'd have to take a taxi. That was fine; the taxi company assured me they were happy to transport a snake. The question was, how was I going to transport a snake?

The answer is: in a duvet cover, in a washing basket. Let me say now that getting Remic into a duvet cover ranks up there as one of the most stressful things I've ever done, and I've worked with academics for nine years. He didn't want to go in the duvet cover. He wanted to go in my perfume drawer. This fundamental disagreement between us took place while Yuki, aghast at being shut in the living room, cried mournfully at us. She loves Remic. He's her favourite thing to sit and stare at for hours, and we were not only depriving her of this entertainment, but also keeping her behind a closed door, which she is opposed to on a molecular level.

So. Eventually we got Rem in the duvet cover. Then the taxi driver showed up, having simply been told I would have "a pet" with me. Needless to say, he wasn't expecting the pet to be tied up in a duvet cover. Nonetheless, he hid his concerns well and off we went.

The vet was brilliant, and Rem behaved himself uncharacteristically well, without biting anyone, including himself. Rem had no problems with me or the vet touching the Bulge, and didn't seem to be in any discomfort, but again...idiot. The problem was, the vet has no idea what's causing the Grotesque Bulge. He said it looked like fluid, but when he poked Rem (carefully) with a needle, no fluid of any kind came out. The Bulge is too low down to be a problem with Rem's heart or stomach, but could possibly be a gut issue or a tumour, although it didn't really feel like one according to the vet. We could be looking at some kind of infection or virus, but there's no way to tell with just an external examination.

So I've had to leave him there overnight so he can have x-rays and ultrasounds tomorrow. There is the possibility that these won't help with a diagnosis, but there's really nothing to lose by trying. I guess every animal lover knows how hard it is to leave your baby at the vets' for any reason, but I kind of take comfort in knowing that Rem will likely not notice any difference.

So there we are. That was a pretty long, worrying Monday that didn't go according to any kind of plan. I have to go back to the vet after work tomorrow, hopefully to bring Remic home. Ket is currently doing his best to fill the void by trying to eat a mouse tail-first, and Yuki is staring into Rem's empty vivarium in a slightly offended manner. And I am having my first cup of tea of the day - it's now gone 10pm and I'm about six cups behind my usual schedule - and waiting again. Waiting for news, be it good or bad. That kinda sucks. This year has not been kind to me on the pet front so far. I shall be crossing Yuki's paws and Ket's tail that Remic comes home without a Grotesque Bulge tomorrow.

"The Cat is Classic."

HP Lovecraft

Let's not talk about the name Lovecraft chose for his own cat. He was an unrepentant racist, but he was right about cats.

So it's Friday again! I still don't have a laptop! But I do have a three-day weekend, and I will have a laptop (probably) by Sunday. Mine is officially dead. The company who built it offered to give us a quote for repair, but it's more than likely a motherboard issue, which will be a bare minimum of £200 to fix. So, through a convoluted chain of events, I am buying a laptop from a friend and then swapping that laptop with one Kyle loaned to my brother. Everyone gets a laptop! Except my friend, but presumably he knew this when the deal was made.

I also still don't have a working debit card, because my bank seem incapable of doing anything right. I have a general policy of not being a shithead to people in customer service jobs, because...well, there's rarely a need to ever be a shithead to anyone, frankly. But it's been hard since this whole debacle started, and I can't help but wonder if I'd have a working debit card by now if I'd been an asshole three weeks ago when my account first got hacked. Ugh. I don't know. Complaints have been lodged. I'm sure it will make no difference, and I fully expect to still be without a debit card in a week's time, because that just seems to be my fate at the moment.

But it's not all bad news! DARK DAYS is out and quietly sneaking into a few Top 100 lists over on Amazon, so huzzahs!

And tomorrow, best of all, Kyle and I are bringing home a lovely little tabby cat from the local shelter. I'm sure every animal-lover will understand when I say it's been so hard coming home to a cat-free house since we lost Fergus. Last weekend, amidst all the bank drama and laptop chaos, I went to the shelter on impulse and fell in love with this little lady. I realised that, as much as I'm still grieving, I'm also just not happy in a house without a cat. So Yuki (née Holly) is joining us tomorrow, and I'm so excited about getting to know her!

And of course, there will be writing. There will always be writing.