Housekeeping

Hello, folks. *blows dust off blog* It's been a bit quiet round here since the release of IMPERIAL DEMONS, I know. I've been a bit quiet. Normally I would have sent out promo packs to fellow authors who generously offer blog space, and I generally try to be "present" online without constantly screaming HEY I HAVE A NEW BOOK OUT PLEASE LIKE IT!!!

But I'm not feeling very normal at the moment. I'm going through what I think of as a quiet patch of depression. That is to say, I'm standing at the edge of a stormy sea, aware I could be sucked in by the tide, rather than being out in that storm, helpless while the water closes over my head. I've suffered from depression on and off for...most of my life, I guess? I was undiagnosed as a teenager, but once I got diagnosed at university, I could look back and say "oh, that's what that was." Sometimes I need counselling and medication, and sometimes I get by without either of those things and just ride the storm out.

This time, it crept up on me slowly. I knew I was getting more anxious and irrational in my thoughts throughout September and October, but I blamed that on the approaching anniversary of my dad's death. But the feeling didn't pass once October did, and suddenly I found myself in the toilets at work, the day after IMPERIAL DEMONS came out, sobbing over nothing, and thought, "yeah, you probably need to talk to someone."

So I talked to my doctor and I'm taking medication, and I'm now at that nice point where I recognise that my thoughts aren't facts, and I can observe them rather than let them consume me. The storm is still out there, but I'm safe on the beach.

The downside is I really, really cannot write. Forget the romantic notion that suffering is good for art. For me, that's never been true. My writing started to lag in September, was almost nonexistent in October, and despite my resolution to write every day in November to finish an Amber Morgan book, I've done...virtually nothing again. It frustrates and panics me, and it takes away one of my coping mechanisms for when I feel low. So that's kind of a vicious circle. I want to write because I feel sad, but I feel too sad to write. My brain is...blank. Simple tasks feel beyond my strength, and writing isn't a simple task no matter how much I enjoy it. It takes time and care and love, and I don't have the energy or motivation for those things right now.

So in short, I'm not doing very much at the moment and I'm saving my energy for stuff I can't avoid, like going to work and remembering to put my clothes on the right way round (I did forget one day, but luckily I realised my top was on back to front before anyone else got to the office).

Nevertheless, there is stuff happening that I want to talk about. People who follow me on Facebook and Twitter may already know, but for those who don't, Ragnarok Publications recently announced they will be closing their doors temporarily. I don't know what will happen long-term (though I wish the team all the best), but short-term, UNDERTOW is one of the books that will be pulled from sale in December. All the rights will revert to me then.

I won't lie. I'm gutted. I'd just started to think there was still a chance to keep the Shoregrave/Ethan Banning dream alive. I'd had some positive talks with the new Ragnarok team when they took over, and felt like Ethan, at least, had a shot.

Now...now I don't know. In a way, the depression is helping me decide, because when I weigh up whether I have the energy right now to either self-publish AFTERLIFE, DEMONIZED, and UNDERTOW, or try to find new homes for them, the answer is hell no. I've been trying to keep the series afloat for a long time now, and honestly, whilst I love Ethan Banning to death, I'm basically flogging a dead horse at this point. Part of my heart will always tell me I need to go back and write more stories in this world, with these characters, but after years of telling myself "maybe," I think it's time to tell myself "no."

So that's that. As from December 1st, UNDERTOW will no longer be available. I will leave the Ethan Banning Files short stories available on Amazon and Smashwords, but AFTERLIFE and DEMONIZED will not be republished and I don't intend to write anymore books in this series.

Phew.

Okay. That's it, really. I'm hoping to ease back into writing a bit at a time, and in my ideal world, I'll finish that Amber Morgan book before we take off to Japan at the end of December. Realistically, that probably isn't going to happen, but let's call it a soft goal. In the meantime, I'm off to check my jumper is on the right way round.

2017 Writing Goals

So earlier in the week I talked about my ~life goals~ for 2017, but I didn't talk about my writing plans in any of that. For the past couple of years, I haven't really set myself any solid goals. I've agreed with myself that if something is really tugging at my imagination, I should work on it, and that's worked for me for the most part. It has, however, left me with a long list of unfinished projects between my real name and Amber Morgan, and I think 2017 has to be the year I start tackling that list, rather than adding to it.

So my writerly resolution for 2017 is not to start any new projects. I am just going to finish up works-in-progress, under both names. This is probably going to be really hard to stick to, because I adore starting new projects. Nothing thrills me more as a writer than starting something. I have the same problem as a gamer. I endlessly create new characters in Guild Wars 2 because I love starting with a newly-named, freshly-designed character more than I love actually getting those characters to level 80. Starting to create something is an act full of potential and promise and wild anticipation. Seeing something through to the end is where the hard work comes in. I have the HP Lovecraft problem:

It's not that I'm not passionate and excited about all my writing projects. I'm just easily distracted by Shiny! New! Ideas! That's not a completely bad thing. It's why you have the Blood Canticles series, for example. But it is a bit of a bad thing, and it's why there are no more Ethan books at the moment, and why I haven't finished the next Urban Wolf book yet, despite that being one of my 2016 goals.

So this year, I need to knuckle down, straighten up, fly right, etc. and Finish Some Stuff. My to-do list for 2017 is (in no particular order of importance) as follows:

Through Fire (Blood Canticles 3)
Lich Queen (Blood Canticles 3.5)
Mercy's Gate (Southern Gothic urban fantasy book of my heart)
Black Dog (Urban Wolf 6)
Crow Called (Standalone novella)
Flesh and Bone (The Deva Chronicles 2)

I also want to self-publish AFTERLIFE and DEMONIZED. This is just the Naomi Clark stuff. I also have six novels and short stories in various stages of completion as Amber Morgan. That's fourteen projects open and needing attention, stat. That's definitely a year's work for me. I don't think it's an impossible goal, but it's certainly an ambitious one and it's why I can't afford to be distracted by shiny new ideas or other sequels (like the sequel to IN COLD BLOOD which isn't even out yet, and a sequel to Crow Called which isn't even finished yet and isn't even supposed to have a sequel, goddammit).

So yeah. My current goal is to finish Lich Queen since that's coming along well and shouldn't probably turn into a huge unwieldy fantasy epic like Through Fire is threatening to do. Next Wednesday, I'll be back to sharing snippets and putting Dawn through hell. Join me, if you're into that sort of thing!

Anti-Nano Rides again

Happy November! Good luck to everyone doing Nanowrimo this year. May the words come fast and often. As usual, I will not be doing Nanowrimo but, as is now tradition, I will be joining in spirit with Anti-Nano.

For newcomers, Anti-Nano is my way of tapping into all that gooey writerly energy and enthusiasm in November without over-taxing my knackered wrists, arms, and (currently possibly cracked) finger bones. My rotator cuff problems mean I can't really commit to a daily writing schedule, especially in the colder months when the weather aggravates the various joint/muscle complaints I have. But I do set myself a personal goal every November and I try to check in here on Mondays and Fridays, with snippets as per usual on Wednesdays, to keep myself accountable and hopefully give you guys something to read.

So! The goal this year is sort of nebulous. I want to write 1k a day on Through Fire, which is pretty doable...starting next week. This first week of November, I'm running a sale over at Common Brimstone before closing for a couple of months. So I'm currently swamped with perfume orders and foresee spending pretty much every evening this week and all weekend working on those so I can close the shop next week and focus 100% on writing for a few months. So whilst I'd like to get some words down this week, I'm not going to stress too much if I don't.

I'd also like to start on Pale Queen, the companion novella to Through Fire. I'd also also like to start redrafting In Cold Blood, and I'd also also also like to start prepping AFTERLIFE and DEMONIZED for self-publishing. I think the best plan is aim for 1k a day on Through Fire in the week, then allow myself the weekend to work on other projects. I also have an Amber Morgan story on the go, but that's fairly low down the priority list right now. Oh, and I'll probably also have edits for THROWN TO THE WOLVES at some point this month.

So yeah, Nebulous, in that I have a ton of stuff I want to work on (as usual) and only the vaguest idea of how I'll manage it all. I think as long as I make steady progress on Through Fire, I'll be happy. I haven't done any writing since before going to Iceland, so Anti-Nano should be a good way to get back into the rhythm of it. Beyond that, we'll see. Wish me luck!

Ethan's Makeover Is Complete!

Behold! Spanky new covers for GONE TO THE DOGS and ICE, ICE BABY!

I love them! It was so hard to settle on a cover for GONE TO THE DOGS, but I just love this artist's work so damn much, and they all had to have the "hand" theme going, so in the end I went with a cover I was instinctively drawn to and said "so be it."

This completes the Ethan Banning Files makeover. Next job on the Ethan To-Do list is to prepare DEMONIZED for self-publishing, which will include writing a brand new short story to include as a bonus. I'm still leaning towards dealing with AFTERLIFE first, but we'll see how the rest of the year pans out. In the mean time, the Ethan Banning shorts are available on Amazon and Smashwords if you haven't already checked them out (which you definitely should).

DEMONIZED - The Shiny New Cover

First, the obvious thing. I found this cover before I saw the redesign for UNDERTOW, so I know there's no...cohesion between this, UNDERTOW, and the Ethan Banning shorts, but hopefully I'll be able to update the shorts in the future to match one or the other. And this cover is, I do believe, stunning, so I'm trying not to get hung up on aesthetics too much. And, you know, never judge a book, etc.

But if you do want to judge a book by it's cover, you could do worse than judge DEMONIZED by this one.

Ta-da! Once again, this is by the amazing Erica Petite, and I love it. I've got Strong Feelings about how Ethan should look, and I know that the Ethan in my head will never be the same as the Ethan in your head, or anyone else's, so when I went looking for new cover art, I resolved to focus on mood and how evocative the art was, rather than try to find the perfect cover model. This cover has the mood I want, 100%. I snapped it up without thinking twice.

As with AFTERLIFE, I don't have a release date set yet for DEMONIZED, but hopefully it'll be before the end of the year. AFTERLIFE will be the priority, because it's much longer and, well, it's really where Ethan's story starts, so that makes sense. News will come as I have it to share, I promise. In the meantime, enjoy the new covers! And if you can think of anything cool you'd like to see added to the updated books, let me know. I want to offer something extra for people who may already have read both books, if I can come up with something. Money is precious and I like to think if you part with yours for one of my books, I make it worthwhile.

So...missing scenes? Flash fiction or short stories? Q&As? Facts about Yasmin and Ethan's world? I'm open to all ideas!

AFTERLIFE - The Shiny New Cover!

Drum roll please...

Ta-da!

I cannot tell you how excited I was when I saw this cover originally, because this is just is Yasmin, and the colours and background are so perfect for Shoregrave and this particular tale. The stars were definitely right on this occasion. Many thanks to the amazingly talented and gracious Erica Petite for providing the perfect cover for AFTERLIFE's return.

And here's the blurb - reworded from the original and possibly still to be finalised:

Yasmin Stoker lives a double life. By day she's a ghost tour guide for Shoregrave's tourists. By night she's beholden to the undead king of the city, Nicomedes. Her duty is simple: keep the supernatural predators in check by feeding on their souls. It's an easy job until she witnesses a ghostly girl killing a teenage boy. 

When Nicomedes orders her to keep a mortal private eye off the trail, she has no choice but to obey - even though her insticts tell her not to, and soon she finds herself trapped in a deadly web of deceit. With her undead and human allies to help her, Yasmin must deal with rogue zombies, crazed ghosts, and a charming history teacher in her quest to solve the mystery. And along the way, she uncovers some heartbreaking truths about her own existence...

I don't have a release date in mind yet as there's a fair bit of work to be done on both AFTERLIFE and DEMONIZED, but I'm aiming to have them both available by the end of the year. Stay tuned for DEMONIZED's new cover later this week!

"It always seems impossible until it's done."

I think In Cold Blood is nearly finished. The whole sprint writing method has certainly upped my productivity, and I'm working through the final big action section at the moment. After that, it's the winding down/winding up the story part of writing that I'm always a bit crap at, and after that, it's done! Huzzahs! I feel exhausted. I really didn't expect this book to take so long, and I'm still worried that I'll read it back and discover it's shite, but at least it will be finished shite.

But I'm getting ahead of myself. Right now, it's definitely still unfinished, and I have a lot of threads to tie up. I already know there will be a sequel (because it's me and I can't write standalones unless they're short stories), so it's a matter of deciding where to end and what to leave for the next book.

After that, I'm going to ask someone to read it over for me. I'll admit I don't usually do that, because most people whose opinions I trust are busy, and because I'm normally very good at self-editing for nonsense. But since this book has been a slog, I think an extra pair of eyes will be needed.

After that, I think it's time to get back to Lola and Tristesse. September seems like the perfect time to get back into Lola's witchy world. I've been planning Book 3 from the second I finished DARK DAYS, and trying to figure out to best structure the book, as I think it will need multiple points of view to really work. Now I've figured out the best way to do things, and I'm happy with the world-building I needed to do, there's no reason to wait any longer to get started.

Apart from, you know, finishing In Cold Blood. And there's a short story I might write in between the two as a palate cleanser. We'll see. Really I should be taking things off my to-write list, not adding new things on, especially if I want to get DEMONIZED and AFTERLIFE out there before the end of the year.

Anyway! Before any of that, there's still Phoebe and Aisling's story to wrap up. Wish me luck!

"Our creations must be shared to be art."

So if you've wandered over to my Facebook page or Twitter feed lately, you might have seen that UNDERTOW has been given a makeover. Just in case you missed it, here it is again in all it's glory!

This was a complete surprise to me, and I'm pretty blown away by the job Ragnarok's graphic designer, Shawn King, has done. It's also pretty timely, as just a few short days before, I decided to do something I've been dithering over most of this year. I'm going to self-publish DEMONIZED and AFTERLIFE.

For those who don't know the long, dull, irritating saga of Damnation Books/Caliburn Press, the short version is that I had some books with them, they were a categorically awful publisher, and now I have those books back and they still owe me royalties. Two of those books, NIGHT AND CHAOS and THE NECROMANCER'S APPRENTICE, are now available through Evernight. The other two, AFTERLIFE and DEMONIZED, are not available anywhere.

But you need to read both these books to get the best of UNDERTOW and Ethan's story, I think. UNDERTOW stands alone, but Ethan's road to Beacon's Point begins in AFTERLIFE. The reason I've held back on doing anything with them for a while is that I didn't really know what to do with them. AFTERLIFE is an urban fantasy novel, the first in a planned series. DEMONIZED is a novella (around 20k). Whilst I probably could submit AFTERLIFE to either Ragnarok or Evernight and keep my fingers crossed that they'd want it, I don't feel like it's quite right for either publisher. And DEMONIZED is definitely, definitely not right for Evernight and too short for Ragnarok.

Self-publishing seems ideal, especially because I'm at a point where (thanks to Common Brimstone) I can invest a bit of money into decent cover art, something that's always held me back in the past. So soon, hopefully before the end of this year, both DEMONIZED and AFTERLIFE will be available again, and you can read Ethan's entire story, as well as my debut novel, and get the whole Shoregrave/Ethan experience.

Awesome!

I guess that still leaves the question of "will there be more Ethan books?" I do get asked this from time to time, and honestly, I don't know the answer. I would love there to be. I love Ethan and his fucked-up life. I love the setting of Shoregrave, and I could write a million stories there quite happily. So where are the problems?

1. Time. My writing time is limited and I have other series I would like to finish before I die or my arms fall off.

2. Audience. The Shoregrave/Ethan books have never sold well. BLOOD WITCH sold more in its first quarter than AFTERLIFE, DEMONIZED, and UNDERTOW have ever sold since 2009. A lot more. Is it worth me taking my limited writing time and dedicating it to something not many people want? That's a big question, more complex than it seems on the surface, and I really, really am not saying "I refuse to write these books because you bastards don't buy them." Maybe I'll go into that deeper in another blog.

3. Wretched Psychological Scars. I was writing the sequel to UNDERTOW in October 2012 when my dad died. At first I threw myself into carrying on writing to distract myself from that, but by May 2013, I was an utter, utter mess and I had to stop...well, everything, really. I pretty much had a mini mental breakdown, hid in the house for two weeks crying, and then decided to quit writing forever. Obviously I didn't, but every time I think about that book, I think about that part of my life, and I just feel anxious and sick. I will never finish that book as a result. I don't even want to revisit the plot and see what I can salvage of it.

So if I do go back to Ethan's series, I need to start over on that sequel. And that feels quite daunting, and I'm not ready to do it. Maybe one day I will be. I certainly hope so.

So, that's it, in a nutshell. Good news = new cover! AFTERLIFE and DEMONIZED coming back! Bad news = Ethan/Shoregrave future still uncertain. Overall, I'll say this is a win.

PSA The Second

I am delighted and relieved to announce that as of today, all three of my Damnation Books/Caliburn Press titles are back where they belong - with me. Last week was a long, weird, and stressful one, but I don't think I need to go into details here. The bottom line is, DEMONIZED, NIGHT AND CHAOS, and THE NECROMANCER'S APPRENTICE have all been pulled from sale, the rights officially returned to me, and I am freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Well, except for some missing royalties. But that's allegedly being looked into.

So what next? Am I going to re-home these stories? I definitely want to. I think NIGHT AND CHAOS will be the easiest to deal with. It's a dark urban fantasy with romantic elements, and I'm hopeful that (after a bit of re-working, because I wrote it almost seven years ago and I like to think I've improved since then), I can find a place for it.

THE NECROMANCER'S APPRENTICE? I don't know. Depending on your viewpoint it's either a short, sweet paranormal romance (ie, no sex), or a short urban fantasy. Either way, I don't know of many publishers that would take it as it is. I don't think expanding it or jamming in a few sex scenes will serve the story particularly well or improve it, so I'm probably going to just put it aside, at least for the time being. Maybe down the line I'll consider self-publishing it.

DEMONIZED? Ethan. Oh Ethan, you adorable disaster. I don't know. I just don't know. I have both AFTERLIFE and DEMONIZED back in my grubby hands now, and I just don't know what to do with them. It's a sad but unavoidable fact that people don't love Ethan as much as I do. UNDERTOW is well-reviewed and favourably compared to works like The Dresden Files and Constantine, but it sells poorly. Is it worth putting valuable time and energy into something nobody but me wants?

The short answer is, I don't know. The long answer involves a lot of weeping and railing against the injustice of the cold, uncaring cosmos. But I'm not trying to allocate blame for Ethan's under-performance. There is none to allocate for one thing, so we'll leave it there.

The important thing as far as I'm concerned is that my works are free of Damnation Books and I can close a frustrating and disappointing chapter in my writing career.

I advise writers to think extremely carefully before submitting to Caliburn Press or any of its imprints. I advise you to google "Damnation Books warnings" and read everything you find before making a decision.

If you're an author experiencing difficulties with Damnation Books, I'm happy to talk privately with you. Give me a shout!

***PSA***

Loathe as I am to air dirty laundry in public, I'm really explosively angry this morning, so I'm just putting up a quick blog because I have to say something.

On 27th February, the rights to DEMONIZED, one of my last three books with Damnation Books/Eternal Press, expired. I have my RR letter. However, the book is still up for sale on Amazon via Kindle and as a paperback as of this morning, so I assume it is still up for sale elsewhere too. It's not unusual for a book to take some time to disappear from third party outlets, but I would ask that you please don't buy it.

The rights to my book NIGHT AND CHAOS do not expire until 2017. However, it has been pulled from sale, without discussion with me. I have not had an RR letter. Paperback versions still seem to be available. Please don't buy them.

I have been told this morning that my book THE NECROMANCER'S APPRENTICE will also be removed from sale, despite the rights not expiring until November this year. I imagine that ebook and paperback versions will still be available for a while yet. Please don't buy them.

I really cannot express how disheartening it is to say to people "please don't buy my books." Or how frustrating it's been for the past few years to basically pretend these titles don't exist because of the behaviour and attitude of the publisher. The publisher now has a new owner (has done for a while, in fact) and I'm hopeful that what's happening today is down to miscommunication and can be resolved.

These are stories I'm proud of and want to continue telling. But right now, as of this moment and until I believe I am being fairly dealt with, I will continue to say "please don't buy these books."