Thursday, 2 March 2017

Five Creature Feature Spectacularama Fiction Fests To Blow Your Minds!

No hyperbole.

If there's one thing I love, it's giant mythical/prehistoric sea beasts. If there's a second thing I love, it's books about giant mythical/prehistoric sea beasts fighting each other, or eating people, or both. That's it. That's all I love. As such, I take my reading of such trashy B-Movie type books very seriously. And today I'm bringing you my top five, carefully considered and thoroughly vetted for complete giant sea monster goodness. Enjoy!

5. Mega

This one just about sneaks onto the list. Despite that proud, ferocious megalodon on the cover, there's not as much giant shark-action as I'd like. But the over-the-top, bombastic action-action makes it compulsively readable. It's the first in a series, and while I haven't read the rest yet, book two promises cloned megalodons on a drug-fuelled rampage, and quite frankly that's all I need to know about it.

4. Escape from Dinosauria

Okay, okay, this one is a cheat, because there are no aquatic reptiles/giant sharks/sea monsters of any kind. BUT it does have a cage-fighter heroine who just wants a beer, goddammit, genetically mutated dinosaurs, a ninja, and a scene where the heroine taps out a genetically mutated raptor. So it makes the list because how the hell can you leave it off? Plus, there is a lot of dino-fighting, so it ticks the "giant things fighting other giant things" box. Honestly, this book is batshit from start to finish in the most delightful way. It may change your life.

3. Predator X

Predator X the creature is a type of pliosaurus, in case you wondered. Predator X the book is a gooey mash-up of sea monsters, ancient aliens, and creepy body horror and I love it! The titular Predator X isn't really the main star of the show, but he certainly looms large in the plot. This is a unique take on the creature feature book, and I really, really recommend CJ Waller's other works as well.

2. Hotel Megalodon

It was a toss-up between this and Predator X for the penultimate book on the list. Hotel Megalodon wins out because I absolutely love the heroine, Coco, a capable marine biologist who is done with your shit. And there is so much megalodon action. The concept is ridiculously silly and works ridiculously well - world's first underwater hotel is attacked by giant shark, chaos ensues. It's crazy and fun, and you should read it. Do it for Coco.

1. Meg

It was never going to be anything else. This was my first ever giant shark book, and in the same way that Jaws was probably life-changing for a lot of people, Meg was life changing for me. How can you not love a book that opens from the POV of a t-rex about to be eaten by a megalodon? Make no mistake, this is not a literary masterpiece, and the sequels are arguably even less so. But they're just so utterly in love with themselves, you can't not enjoy them. And there is so much megalodon action omfg. AND there's going to be a movie next year with Jason Statham omfg. I can't cope. Looking at the character names on IMDB, it does look like they're taking some liberties with the story, but as long as there's a giant fucking shark in there, who cares? Not I! The only part of the book I demand they leave intact is the end, where Jonas pilots a submersible inside the shark and then cuts his way out again.

Honorable mention must go to Meg: Hell's Aquarium, which features two megalodons named after the Olsen twins and a shit-ton more prehistoric sea beasts big enough to eat a megalodon which is pretty damn big you guys.

I checked.

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